|
|
All Is Forgiven With Blackberry Jam
The New Verison of it. Moreine-Christine(a), Ripa-Tabby, Jenny-Me, and Alla-Robin Moreine- After the house burned & all these years later. Could it be? Such a resemblance this man has to Allabaster. Yes I think its him. As heir to the Cornance family I should be able to keep the money after everyone has died, not have someone come back from the dead. He’s been hiding in the forest all these years? If he thinks he can return & claim his money he will find I will not give it up so easily. A hit man, that’s how I’ll be rid of him. (Exit) Ripa- Do you know a man…? (lady walks away) Have you seen a man named Allabaster? (Turns around) Do you know Allabaster? Yes he’s tall. (frustration) How can no one know him? All they know is a man who lives in the woods? That must be him. (Exit) Alla- (crouched listening while partially hidden) Why is a hit man looking for me? Why won’t they let me live in peace? How can I keep this woman from killing me? Ah, a lawyer, the best I know of, one named Jenny. I’ll send for her by pigeon. Jenny- Look a bird, what message could it be? Alla Toadums requesting legal representation? In the old world? What a far journey, I must be on my way now. (Exits) Jenny & Ripa (both arrive at the cottage in the woods at the same time) Ripa- There it is! Jenny- There it is! (Both look at each other with surprise & suspicion) Ripa- Who are you? Jenny- I have business with Mr. Toadums. Ripa- (laughs) Well then, I must inform you. You are at the wrong house. For I have business with Mr. Cornance & this is his house. Jenny- (condescending) Oh I have made no mistake here. Step aside, child! (Jenny goes to door to knock.) Ripa- (outraged, charges to the door, knocks Jenny aside & throws open the door) Jenny- Listen child, police arrest, lawyers sue. (Ripa hits Jenny on the head, Jenny gasps) Alla- (at table drinking tea, calmly sets cup down) Reminds me of how I miss woman’s silly banter. Calm yourselves. Ripa- And your name? Alla- Does it matter? Jenny- Are you Alla, who sent for me? Alla- That I am. Ripa- Or Allabaster is your name? Alla- Some might call me that. Ripa-Well which is it Alla or Allabaster? Alla- No longer one but now another. Ripa- No matter than. (crosses behind Alla, put a knife to his throat.) What has been will always be. You are Allabaster. Alla- (laughs humorously) Calm woman do you intend to give me a close shave? (Ripa confused) Jenny- Leave him be, you attempt to kill Allabaster when he no longer exists. There is only Alla Toadums. Ripa- Let me get this straight. Allabaster is gone. Poof! No longer here. So I left my brother home alone to search for some ghost. Allabaster Cornance is a rich man, I only see a woodsmen named Alla. I will not spill blood I was not paid to spill. Jenny- Ha, I actually won your case. Who would have thought a bloodthirsty hit woman would have morals? Ripa- (smiles) Don’t make me go back on my morals. Moreine- What’s going on here? Why isn’t he dead? Oh yea, hello Allabaster. Sorry about this but I really need you to be dead. Well cousin you see its simple, I’ve got your family’s money & I really don’t want to give it back. Jenny- Well the fact is he doesn’t want the money. Moreine- (laughs) Do I look stupid? (Ripa & Alla start to laugh, Jenny smirks, on the brink of laughing) Ripa- (between laughs) Do you really want me to answer that? Moreine- Ha really funny. Rhetorical question. How could he not want the money? Alla- I don’t want that life. You can keep all of it. Moreine- I don’t care, I want to keep my money and have Allabaster dead. Ripa- Well you just wanted to have Allabaster gone you didn’t say “dead”. And I did sign a contract saying that I would make sure Allabaster was taken care of and I did So I want to be paid. Moreine- I will do no such thing. Ripa-Yes you will. Jenny- Can I see that contract. (Ripa reaching in to her coat pocket and handing a piece of paper to Jenny) (Jenny reads the paper) Well it states here that Moreine just wanted Ripa to make sure that Alabaster was taken care of and she did so you must pay her. Alla- (Ripa and Alla are sitting and eating toast) I love this toast. Moreine-Cousin can you be more simple minded. Ripa- (takes a bite of toast) Oh yea, yum! Jenny- (smears jam on toast, takes a bite) Yes it is, the jam is good too. Moreine- This is Ridiculous! (storms out) Ripa- It is! My Husband & Brother would love this. Jenny- This jam is the best I have ever had. Alla- Homemade. Ripa- It tastes homemade fresh. Alla- I have a proposition for you two. It seems I owe you 10% of my income but as you see I have no real income. And you, Ripa, it seems my cousin has left without paying you. You deserve payment for the inconvenience of coming all the way down here. Jenny- Yes, where are you going with this? Alla- I live near a blackberry grove & that’s how I make the jam. That’s my trade. So I will give you both jam. Jenny- Ahh, that’s a gre…. Ripa- (interrupts) Throw in three strawberry & we have a deal. Alla- (laughs) Then we have a deal. Ripa (points to the opened jar) Oh, but of course this one doesn’t count. Jenny- (nods in agreement) Yes, this one’s damaged goods now that Ripa’s stuck her toast in it. Ripa- (pauses, caught in the act) Hey the toast fell in by it’s self, I’m just rescuing it. Jenny- (snorts, embarrassed) (Ripa & Alla look at each other laughing) Jenny- (giggling) I meant to do that. Ripa- Yeah sure. Alla- Oh well let’s all sit down & have some tea & toast. (all sit) Ripa- (singing quietly) Pizza in the morning, pizza in… Jenny- Ripa that’s enough. Ripa- What? I’m hungry! (humming some tune) (Jenny looks at Ripa, Alla smirks) Ripa- Hey I stopped singing! (Alla laughs quietly) Ripa- (singing a little louder) Pizza in the morning… (Jenny & Alla join in) Alla- Never mind that I put bourbon in the jam. Ripa- Hey man, sorry about trying to kill you. Alla- All is forgiven with Blackberry Jam. (all laugh & begin song again and half way through Alla’s actor begins to speak) Alla- Cut, Cut, that’s enough. (stands up) Ripa- I want to talk to the playwright about this script, it’s horrible. Jenny- People don’t really act like this. Ripa- “Sally”, (points to Jenny) over here keeps stepping on my lines Jenny- Whatever you (facing Ripa) keep upstaging me. Ripa- She keeps giving me the one eyed glare. Jenny- I’ve seen dogs who are better actors than these people. Alla- Hey I thought I was the artistic genius Moreine- Yeah Genius bordering insanity. I can’t work with these people. Ripa- Hey you couldn’t remember your lines Alla- I quit! Call me when you can put our characters in the same time period. Ripa- At least you don’t have to work with this freak, I feel threatened! (points at Jenny) Moreine- (points at Alla) If Bob is quitting then I am too. (Exits) Jenny_ Fine I didn’t want to be in this Sammy Award winning wannabe play either. (Exits) Ripa- Huh. I thought it was a masterpiece. Well they’re all drama queens anyways, hmm. Jam sounds good. (Exits) Play ends
|
