ashwink14: Five years and beyond

Five Year Anniversary Review: AB Style Part 1
2:24 p.m. on January 25, 2007

Five Year Anniversary Review: AB Style
2002-2007

Five years ago, on Friday, January 25, 2002 at 9:08 pm Central Standard Time, this diary was born. Originally called “The Boring Life of Ashley. Boring– All The Time,” for the first year and a half, it later changed to other titles. 3151 entries, 254 KP fanfics, and five wonderful years later, I still am here. Created when I was just 14, in my final semester of Middle School, and in the ending months of the first friendship I had ever had (for the first 2 years of the diary), I wasn’t exactly the type to walk with my head held up high and self confidently. In fact, I had no confidence or self esteem. This diary was here when I graduated middle school, ended my first friendship, cut my foot open, started high school, became a Star Wars fan, became a Dogma fan, created Ashley Benlove, became a Kim Possible fan, wrote fan fiction, discovered myself, graduated high school, started college, and many more! This diary was my release and was my way of expressing myself. I discussed fears, taboo topics, my own sexuality, my love of the things I like, my feelings, my friends, my school day and so much more. It has been a great experience. Looking back, I do not know where I would be had I not kowtowed to Vanessa bothering me to no end to get this diary. I feel forever blessed that I have this diary. Every time I write in my diary or read my diary, I am truly thankful that I am here. This diary has shown me who I am as a person, a writer, as a fan, as a friend, as a teenager, and as a woman. This Anniversary entry will span 5 years and several full diary entries because of the length. It will cover each of years, month by month, like a yearly review entry.

2002–Year One of the Diary.
January. This first month was just 6 days in total. 6 entries and me before I became deep. This month covered fights with Vanessa, random stuff about school, and my earliest views on fan fiction. “I'm probably going to read some Fan Fictions at fanfiction.net after I write this. Lately I've been attracted to these for some reason, maybe it's the fact that they're about stuff I like. Have you written fanfics?”– The second entry I ever wrote, January 26th. It still holds true today. I dealt with Vanessa and her problems, and how I totally acted like the stupid teenage girl that I was. “And at the end we said sorry but Vir is still mad with her for a reason she refuses to tell me because she says I will tell Ness...well she did the same thing with the ignore thing. And Ness always says she has no friends...that makes me feel sad when she says that.”– January 30th.

February. This was the first full month I was using the diary. I got to see Gone With the Wind for the first time, I began my quote of the day and word of the day thing that has lasted ever since, as well as the short lived trivia of the day, the continued downfall of Vanessa and I’s friendship, finally getting my retainers off, I was going through my gothic stage, infamous spelling bee I was in, and more! And a single quote from that month, “Vanessa also said, she just wants to be loved. Everyone wants to be loved. Including me. You're not the only one who thinks about having a boyfriend. I do too, even if I never show it. Sheesh.”– February 8th.

March. This month beheld me being tricked by the evil guestbook flamer of ‘02 and ‘03 (the sole reason the diary is locked), nightmares about friends, me wanting to completely change for high school in my pathetic search to feel better about myself, seeing E.T., Spring Break ‘02, the beginning of the Role-Play that I was in with Shane, myself finally getting over my insane Nick Carter obsession and my very first template. “In CIS, Ness was already there and did something she never ever does...she hugged us. I have to admit she put a smile on my face, Katie's, and Virginia's. I was like Oh my god!”– March 28th. Great times.

April. More getting over Nick Carter, more RP and Shane stuff, being promoted to Admin at UGC, more guestbook flamerness, my FAQs that are now deep in the bowels of the diary, and very few other things. I mean, I didn’t really talk about a lot in my life in the first year of my diary except school. “Lunch was the most fun I've ever had. Virginia tried her gosh-golly hardest to see that I would blush or something when Nick Carter was mentioned. It slightly was hard, 'cuz i did blush. But I tried thinking of Shane or pretending I didn't hear. Nessie thought I was sick, she felt my head 3 times. Maybe something is wrong with me. I mean, getting over Nick Carter! For over 2 years, my friends have known me to be obsessed with Nick Carter. I think it's making them feel weird.”– April 1st.

May. This was the fifth month of the diary. This month had to be the most interesting and pivotal of this year. Sea World field trip, the infamous foot cut upon incident, shadowing, the AR Field Trip, the continuing end of Vanessa and I’s friendship, seeing Star Wars Episode 2- Attack of the Clones and becoming a Star Wars fan, ending middle school, and more of the evil guestbook flamer of ‘02 and ‘03! Here is an excerpt from May 5: “You see about 11 o' clock I was helping my grandma move this Patio chair out back and I accidently ran it over my right foot and tore some skin. When I happened I was screaming and crying, "Oh Dear God! Oh Dear God!” when I cut my foot open. This month changed me. Although it was a small change.

June. Summer time! Earaches, the beginning of my short lived liking of MTV, problems with my cousins, shopping for clothes that were superficial so I’d feel better about myself, rejection by the Laurete program, seeing a movie called Sex and Mrs. X, and more! It is insane to see how young I was. Here’s an infamous quote made by my cousins, on June 12: "My grandparents got me a new computer" "No I did!" "Yeah right you had a 1000 dollars lying around the house and you decided to buy a computer"-- Kevin and Casey. Here is an excerpt from the twenty sixth: “But I did get to watch Golden Girls this morning. The episode was where Dorothy had an illness, Blanche was writing a book, and the other two were doing other stuff. Blanche was sooo funny. "My god I'm Hallucinating...I see little balls of sunshine in a bag" and "I will never sleep again" were some of the things that cracked me up.”– Little did I know that would be my all time favorite episode after that.

July. More summer. Family stuff, going to the Lake for a weekend, stuff about how Kat was gonna marry Brian C in the next two years (hah!), Hank the dachie being neutered, the infamous swimmer’s ear, more of my superficiality, and getting new glasses. I can’t believe that I was ever completely so superficial to care about clothes or even be that unconfident. But, considering I was going through a horrible break up with my first friend, I can understand. Here’s an interesting quote from July 15: “Today is the 2nd anniversary of moving into the house I am living in now from the house I had lived in for 12 long years. I shed tears there, I laughed, I grew up, I walked my first steps there, I ate my first solid foods there, I escape from a high chair there, I did a lot of things in that house. I miss it so much. We went by it Saturday after church, god I miss that house so much, if I could go back in time to the week before we moved I would have written a long letter telling the new owners of the house about myself and that I lived in it a long time. Now the house is a ugly white color, instead of the pink and blue it was. *sigh* I'll never forget that house...” That was probably the most beautiful thing I wrote at that time.

August. Getting Alicia Keys and Celine Dion cds, got my new glasses which have lasted a long time, starting High School, the end of the Role Play, high school fears, more Vanessa stuff, and watching more MTV. It is so hard to believe that was so long ago! I am so glad that I such a different person than I was in these entries. I was so afraid. This excerpt from the 18th proves that: “It's not like last year where I was starting another grade at a middle school, this a bigger thing. Dude, this high school. Where I'll spend 4 year getting know people I hardly know now and then late May-early June of 2006, I'll graduation and never see most of them again. Why the hell am I getting teary? Graduation is 4 years away...4 long years. I need to keep my grades up to an A average or a B average.” It’s funny, I wasn’t that sad leaving high school! Hah.

September. Ninth month of being on the diary. Getting used to school, a first glimpse into what I am like as a writer, the infamous Nail Polish on Carpet incident, more of my gothic phase, toilet papering my aunt’s house for her 50th birthday. Here is an entry from Sept 8: “Quote from my Plain and Simple Reviews, Reviewer Lisha: "Most of your entries are what you did today type of entries. Not too interesting to read. But at times, we'd get a glimpse into how you were really feeling, and you'd let out some good emotion. Like how you felt before your first day of school. Entries like that are the ones that people want to read. I really enjoyed it when you got into how you felt, it gives people a better sense of who you are. You're entries in general are pretty easy to relate to, so the content isn't too bad. You're just a normal girl, and you go through everything everyone does. It's always nice to read a different point of view on school, guys, family, etc."” It’s really interesting how I took that in and used that to my great advantage how this diary helped me become a better writer. :)

October. Being sick more, PSAT, Family reunions, Shane stuff, the infamous tornado and weather incident, the triple surprise party, the beginning of the short lived top ten list, and others! This month was generally unproductive and boring, but that’s okay. Here is a quote from my fifteenth birthday on the 26th: “I was led to believe that we were going over to my aunt Leanne's house for a birthday party for my uncle Chris (who's bday was the 22nd) and Kat's (who's November 2nd) but my instinct, my fucking gut instinct was telling me, "Ashley, how much you wanna bet that this is a party for you?" I was pretty much right. It was a triple whammy. Apparently Kat thought it was for me and Chris, and Chris thought it was for me and Kat. But Kat ruined it when she looked at the cake, which said, Happy Birthday Ashley, Chris, and Kat. Funny.” It’s amazing to see how much I really have changed in so many years.

November. A lecture from my Aunt C that I am glad that I listened to, watching Romeo and Juliet with Shane, more of my gothic phase, a cool Saturday 8 that was correct about my name, some dip into writing fics, the Sahifa awards, seeing Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, the infamous “Being on AIM until 4:30 AM With Shane” stint in which Shane wrote about, and so much more! Reading what Shane wrote about the stint (here’s an excerpt: “I found out through conversation that she was on a DSL connection, and so I knew she could handle any image or sound file I wanted to send her. I believe the second image I sent her was of two smilies engaged in a little fun with one another. Naturally, this got her evil little mind going, which helped keep her awake.” Even though I was so much more younger in those days, I still have an evil mind. It is truly amazing. Here is a quote from a November 30th entry: “I'm reading Goblet of Fire. It's alight. I'm was talking to my mom about it and she said, "Hermione likes Harry, Ron likes Hermione, and it's going to be a triangle" I was like, "ahem". That should be pretty interesting. I like where Ron had a cow about Hermione going with Krum to the Yule Ball.”

December. The final month of my first year at my diary. More Shane stuff, more of my dipping into writing fics, more of my gothic phase, my 2002 review, the fic Shane’s Dogma which helped me be into Dogma, and my first dip into the world of erotica writing. Here’s an excerpt from that story, called “Getting Sick”: “He took my hand. It felt greasy from the Vick's Vapor rub.”

Overall, 2002 was a year of transition. There are memories that I wish I could forget forever, but there are memories that will last forever. While that part of my life is over, I am so glad that it happened. Friendship, love, school, and myself slowly becoming the person that I am today.

2003– Year Two of the Diary.
January. More Shane stuff, some Vanessa stuff, some original stories, MSN being down, Role Playing Stuff, the 500th entry of the diary, the first birthday of the diary, the Great Expectations debacle, Shane’s computer dying, and my “Honorary Blonde” nickname! Here is a quote from January 27 th: “Yesterday, I talked to Shane until 9:45 PM, wow! :) We had a nice chat, kind of got like serious. Well, at first I decided to threaten him to see what he would do if I gave him up for Lent (LOL! AS IF!). 40 days w/o me, he didn't seem to phased...then I highered it to 80 days and then 120. I think he was less scared. But I think he got scared when I said "What would you do if I disappeared until June?" He was like, "Don't" "Don't what" "Disappear" That's prolly when I realized, he doesn't want me to leave him and he's a little loss puppy without me.”

February. The infamous “Cherry To the Bad Week Sundae” entry, Clone High, missing Shane, 2 years at KS, my temper tantrums, Theatre stuff, going to San Antonio to shop, talking to Shane via phone, more Great Expectations debacle, and more! An excerpt from a February 11 th: “I watched Clone High again. I love that show so much. I was like, "Kiss her!". I swear Abe pisses me off, he's like totally oblivious to Joan's obvious love for him.” Sound like a show that I fell in love with about 6 months later, eh? LOL.

March. Month 15 on the diary. Tons of daily memes, my infamous “Chicago is in Michigan” Ash-ism, a pic of me online, going back to AOL as an ISP, a bomb threat, UGC being totally messed up by an admin, the huge quotes page, the great Square week, my thoughts about things rampant, seeing Dogma, and my internet rules. It’s interesting to see that now that I am older I don’t wanna think about how messed up UGC was back then; I’m glad it’s in my past. Here’s a March 25th excerpt: “But first I want to address my feelings on a subject. You know me, I addressed war, abortion, love, dunno what else. But I realized I haven't talked about Gays and Lesbians and my feelings about that. In my own opinion I feel that there is absolutely nothing wrong. So what if they don't wanna be with the opposite sex, it's their fucking choice. I mean, love is love period. Even if the bible says Homosexuality is wrong, it's not, it's a choice, like abortion. I mean, as I have said before, "If someone cannot accept you for who and what you are, then they should fuck off." My point being put across done.”

April. The infamous April Fool’s Day Joke I played, a dip into erotica, an honest entry, my Eminem CD, crazy stuff, tons of memes, and more! Here’s an excerpt from a April 14th entry: “Read Nessie's diary. She had a whole like 6 line plus paragraph about me, I quote, “I'm even afraid to send it to her because it explains a little bit on why I felt so depressed and had to be mature at times and she might just think it was written "too littl, too late." But it is so hard for me to express my feelings at times and now is one of the only few times when I actually can. I know that she has new friends and everything and that she's told Shane things that she's never told me...but Ashley was the only one that I've told like half my life to. I can't just cut her off even though at times I just really, really wanted to and I couldn't." Yea, and with her, we've been friends like 8 years, 8 years of my school days, 8 years I can never get back. I mean, she's like the first best friend I ever had. It's like with Shane; he taught me to love others in that way (even though he never knew it before), while Vanessa taught me the value of friendship and friendliness.” I’m glad that a year later, I decided to have a truce with her.

May. Let’s see, this month had “Cancer” the story inspired by Nancy, the beginning of Shane and I losing touch, the end of the one year and 2 months of Trivia of the day with my entries, more of the evil guestbook flamer, the infamous car backed into me incident, the end of my first year of high school, what possibly was the beginning of Mer and I’s friendship, me deciding to make a collage, and tons of cussing by me! I noticed that I tended to curse a lot in those days, I’m unsure why, but I did. An excerpt from an entry about one of the events that happened this month, May 14th: “I have something seriously scary to tell you. This morning, while I was going across the street, I got hit (rather tapped) by my next door neighbor's car as she was backing out of her driveway. I was so scared out of my fucking mind. It was like an actual bad dream I once had. I jumped a little out of the way and she stopped asking me if I was ok. I was like "I'm ok," and I started crying. Mainly because I got scared and the shock and nervousness of the moment. But not even a scratch I got. No Bruise, scratch, just wounded pride. I told Ms. Perez (her name i think), not to tell my mom or grandma, that I was fine, but she told them anyway. I can't tell you how upset that made me. It was embarrassing to me. And they were like, are you ok and some other shit. Then I started crying (like twice). Of course, I'm good though. But my life flashed before my eyes (sort of, and something I told Nancy earilier in the week, along the lines of "Live life as if it's your last day." made me think. *sighs* I'm fine. :) I can survive anything. Can you imagine if I got hurt or died? Oh too scary!”

June. The continuance of daily memes, working on the collage, more Shane stuff, more Ash-tantrums, the beginning of the 6 month span of me being a template whore, my diary being locked and the end of the evil guestbook flamer’s reign of terror, going to Fiesta Texas, and reading Order of the Phoenix! I had fun this month, going places, the collage, templates, locking my diary and this June 27 th entry excerpt: “The part that just made and still makes me want to cry is when Sirius died....thanks to his cousin. I was like, NO! NOT Sirius. I wouldn't have minded if it was Hagrid as I previously thought. No wonder J.K. cried after writing it. I hated the new DADA teacher Dolores Umbridge...oh my god, she was such a bitch. In a way, you would compare her to Professor Gilderoy Lockhart from the 2nd book. Except Gilderoy was funnier and stupidier, at least he was only conceited and not meddling in the school's business. I loved it when Fred and George got the best of Professor Umbridge during her brief stint as Head of Hogwarts.”

July. The month of reading and re-reading Harry Potter. Haircut, going to the lake for a weekend, renting movies, losing touch with Shane, a new Harry Potter layout, the birth of Ashley Benlove as I knew it, and insanity! Now, although, the Ashley Benlove as we know her now is so different to this July 16 description of her, we know that this is her beginning roots: “If I was a character in Harry Potter what would I be like? I would be named Ashley Benlove, and be best friends with Hermione and Ron and Harry. I would be a half blood. My mother would be a muggle-born witch and my father pure blood wizard. I would have 2 sisters and a brother. My father would be British and my mum would be from America. Not a single hint of British accent in her voice. They would work at the Ministry as Aurors. They would also be in the Order of the Phoenix...that's all I can think of at the moment.” To think that that is how my penname was born! Wow!

August. A month of major changes. Entries not very... informative, the beginning of Sophomore year, being more open minded, my resignation from UGC, beginning to watch the Disney Channel, auditions for You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown, and of course finding Kim Possible! Can’t forget that! Everything Before KP is now over! Here is an excerpt from the August 31 entry that I first mention KP in: “Been watching Disney Channel. ALL DAY. From Proud Family to Kim Possible to Even Stevens (I so have to see the movie version thingy!!) to Boy Meets World and Sister Sister and Lizzie McGuire too. Great shows, terrific.” Who knew of what I’d become because of KP? Really?

September. Rehearsals of “You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown,” the beginning of my love of Kim Possible, the first Thespian Meeting ever, the research paper, new layout, the birth of Ashley Possible Benlove, and my first KP fanfic ever, Cousin! Here is an excerpt from September 20th: “I love watching fucking Kim Possible. It's become my new obsession. I mean I love their mission outfits. It makes them seem so sexy and mysterious...this is cartoon chars we're talking about! It would be like 40% better if its like a pg-13 thingy. Also Kim and Ron need to get together cuz they are like Ron and Hermione.” It’s crazy that to this day I love the show for all of these reasons! LOL. And here is the first line ever of a fanfic: “Kim Possible had just woken up after doing her hair her usually left side part and got up to eat breakfast.”– Narration, Cousin, Part 1. Hard to believe that was the beginning of a great relationship.

October. My sixteenth birthday, more YAGMCB rehearsals, seeing The Fearless Ferret, Sick Cousin the fanfic, family reunion, and the end of my gothic phase! While I only talked about rehearsals through this month and the crazy stuff that happened in that time, here is something from October 4th that isn’t: “I saw the new episode to Kim Possible. Ron was playing some tv superhero for a crazed Batman wannabe dude. The villian sucked but I loved how Heroic Ron was with Kim. Cuz the Skunk villian sprayed the stinky stuff at her and she collapse and he picked her up, got down from the rafters, layed her down on the floor and saved the day, all in a Ferret costume and Rufus in a freaking thingy costume. I saw sparks flying with Kim and Ron. Gotta love that show.” And, of course, here is a fic quote: "She's got a fever of 102.3"– Ron, Sick Cousin, Part 2.

November. Not much happened during this month. Scary movie watching, YAGMCB performances, the Great Flu Experience, Kim Possible: A Sitch in Time premiering, and that’s it! Here is a quote from November 29th about that: “Kim Possible: A Sitch in Time really kicked ass. If you didn't see it, you should. I loved it. We got to see lots of firsts...but no Ron and Kim loveness stuff. But I thought it was sweet how sad they got when Ron had to move to Norway. Rocking.” This month was an okay month, I was extremely sick mind you.

December. More of the Great Flu Experience, 3 fanfics, including a dip into KP erotica and Dogma, Jane Goodall Research Paper, A Very Possible Christmas and Queen Bebe, the 1000th entry that got glossed over by my flu, Christmas, and the end of my insane 6 month template whoreing, shopping online for the first time, and ending 2003 with Kim Possible! Here is an excerpt from a December 6th entry: “Great news for the fans who have been following my flu. Nose feels normal now, almost clear, now the boogies are clear, slight cough, my ear feels normal and well. And guess what? For the first time in 2 weeks I actually slept through the night. It was bliss.” Here is a quote from a fanfic showing the great dynamic that APB and Kim have: "True, we are different, but we have a big thing on our hair...though Kim is perfected by her usual left side part, I tend to experiement with mine" "Like the time you burned it?" "Hey! I thought we agreed never to mention that, and I didn't know the hair dryer was gonna do that okay?”– Ashley Possible Benlove and Kim Possible, Christmas With Ashley, Part 1. Viva December!

Overall, 2003 was a good year. The events of the months before August set the stage for me to have a clean slate when Kim Possible came into my life. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back to see all of the events over again. This year was an unforgettable year! The events of this year helped me become who I am today.

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